The Dream

They bought it on sale.  Normally, it would have cost nearly seven hundred dollars, but the model was being discontinued and they were able to purchase it at a seventy-five percent discount. 

They had already cleared the patio/porch and set up the area the way they had long envisioned.....their little corner of paradise right in the middle of their very own Garden of Eden. 

She loved gardening, but was past the time when she could get down on her knees to plant and weed.  She solved that problem by growing things in pots and putting them on stands so she could care for them easily.  He always said she had  a "green thumb" and she would just tell him, "Gardening is popular with post-menopausal women because it is a substitute for child-bearing."  She always tried to sound flippant about it, but he could  hear the catch in her voice.  He knew she was devastated about being childless, even after all these years.  So she grew things.....lots and lots of things. 

 She grew jasmine, roses, honeysuckle, gardenias.....flowers of classic fragrance.  She also grew other fragrant things.........orange blossoms, rosemary, lavender, lemon verbena, frangi-pani, thyme, coriander, lemon.  There was a profusion of aromatic plants. 

When you walked out on the patio on a spring evening, you knew beyond any doubt that this is what heaven smelled like.  He used to tease her about it and she would tell him, "I don't need to go to heaven to find paradise.  I already have it here with you."  He would roll his eyes and heave a sigh.  She would just smile and touch his face and then go about her chores.

It came to them at about the same moment that while the weather was fine, they should sleep out in the garden.  It had a roof over it and would protect them from rain.  It also had a screen which would protect them from "critters" as she called them. 

The day had arrived and the delivery men had deposited the piece on the patio and left them with instructions.   There was a "queen-sized frame and a plushly upholstered futon to place upon it.  She dressed it in the brilliantly tropically themed linen and arranged some, blue orchids on a nearby table because blue was his favorite color. 

The moon was going to be full this night and everything was blooming.  It was magical just as they both knew it would be.  They waited until the sun had set and the moon was rising.  He had placed unscented candles nearby.  There was no need for artificial perfumes this evening.  Indeed, as the moon rose, they found no need for candlelight.  The moon bathed everything in a shimmering, silver light.  They looked at each other and the years fell away from them.  They were as young as they needed to be.  They reclined on the new and exotically decorated bed and watched with growing excitement as the world renewed itself.  Wrapped in the perfumes of paradise and each other's arms, they went to a place that only they knew.  For those moments they were truly joined as much in heart and soul........mind and spirit.........as two people could be.  In the aftermath they slept in a timeless embrace, in innocence, and in love. 

They woke before the sunrise and watched as the uncertain rays of light crept through the branches of the huge mango tree.  He kissed her tenderly on the cheek and asked,"Coffee or tea?"


Just for you, Intrepid.

Sharma

It was a dark and stormy night......oooo!

Yep......well...almost.  It isn't exactly night yet.  It's only 5:30 EDT in May in South Florida.  It is actually still pretty bright out, but it is dark with clouds and rain.....and cool.  It's very cool.  The thunder and lightning are impressive.  The rain alternately pounds and drizzles.  If I lived alone, I would go out into my backyard and strip off my clothes and let the rain pour over me.  I would trace the path of every raindrop as it rolled down my body...from the top of my head, soaking my hair, over the curves and soft rolls of my breasts and belly, sliding down my massive thighs to my surprisingly slender ankles and old, but relatively delicate feet.  I would become intimately acquainted with each and every drop, inviting each to visit the nooks and crannies only known to the artificial rain created by my hand-held shower massage.  I remember when we were young and you occasionally traversed those places......and others.  In a little while I will go to bed and dream of those days.  I will find you again....as I always did......and we will embrace the rain together.

The Pain of Absence vs. The Absence of Pain

The situation with which I am most intimately acquainted is the pain of his absence.  My God, there is no armor strong enough to protect me from that pain.   I know it his absence that causes it, because when he is here, there is a complete absence of that unendurable ache.  The answer, therefore, is simple:  Be together.  At this point I collapse into uncontrollable laughter.  It isn't simple at all.  It is about responsibility, character, love, and honor.  It isn't the responsibility that causes pain.  It is the self-denial....sacrifice, if you will.  It isn't martyrdom.  It is putting the welfare of others before one's own happiness.  If I could do it without rancor and resentment....if I could do it with joyous acceptance, it would be martyrdom, but unlike the saints, I chafe at the interference with my personal fulfillment.  Oh, well.  God has given me both a  strong sense of personal responsibility and an even stronger sense of humor.  The first will help the people I love survive.  The second will help me.

The need to fill the emptiness

There exists in many of us the urge......the need.....to fill the blank spaces around us with things:  images, words, furniture, etc..  As Nature abhors a vacuum, so do the eyes of men abhor empty spaces.  Perhaps it is the creative nature of humans to see those spaces as opportunities for expression.  For instance, I feel an almost irresistible urge when I walk into my favorite Starbuck's to take a magic marker and fill the empty wall space with my poetry.  In my case there may be other issues involved as well, but I can honestly say to you that the vast blank spaces of wall there cry out to me to be filled.

Building a Relationship

After a marriage of seven years left me a widow for twenty years, the most miraculous opportunity came to me.  It came in the form of a chance re-discovery of an old love, my very first....actually, the one and only man I ever loved.   That is a difficult admission to make.  It seems, somehow, shameful to admit that I married a man I did not love.  He did not love me, either.  It was a contract made as a result of mutual need to mutual advantage.  He died seven years after he proposed and six weeks before our seventh anniversary.  We had no children.  For the twenty years that followed, I made occasional efforts to find my love, and one August afternoon in 2009, we reconnected.  For the very first time in my, then, 61 years, I was looking at trying to initiate and build a love relationship with a very complex man.  To say that I was intimidated would be putting it mildly.  Men and women look at things differently.  They experience them differently.  They understand and interpret them differently.  It is as though we speak two different native languages that happen to share some words in common..  Although, usually, the definitions of those common words are not identical.  So here we are trying to build a structure together and trying not to be a remake of the Tower of Babel.  It takes more than simply being capable of making the translations and overcoming the obstacles......it takes life-altering motivation to do so.  We have been building our relationship for two and a half years.  I tell you truly.....it is the most important work of my life and the accomplishment of which I am the most proud.