The Pain of Absence vs. The Absence of Pain

The situation with which I am most intimately acquainted is the pain of his absence.  My God, there is no armor strong enough to protect me from that pain.   I know it his absence that causes it, because when he is here, there is a complete absence of that unendurable ache.  The answer, therefore, is simple:  Be together.  At this point I collapse into uncontrollable laughter.  It isn't simple at all.  It is about responsibility, character, love, and honor.  It isn't the responsibility that causes pain.  It is the self-denial....sacrifice, if you will.  It isn't martyrdom.  It is putting the welfare of others before one's own happiness.  If I could do it without rancor and resentment....if I could do it with joyous acceptance, it would be martyrdom, but unlike the saints, I chafe at the interference with my personal fulfillment.  Oh, well.  God has given me both a  strong sense of personal responsibility and an even stronger sense of humor.  The first will help the people I love survive.  The second will help me.